Can I just be grumpy for a minute? The other day I was catcalled (aka verbally harrassed with the added bonus of said verbage possibly having been sexual in nature) while I was out running. It was the first time it's happened in Finland.
I had become so comfortable here, not being stared at all the time like I was in many situations/areas in other places I've lived. It felt good to just be another human being, going about my life, being human. It felt good to be mostly invisible, even if I occasionally wore a tank top and stretchy pants while running. Invisible = safe and comfortable.
When that car drove by and its occupants yelled raucous things at me, I realized I was not invisible. I realized I never had been. And even though I didn't understand the words those guys said, I know how these things work and what the general message was. And I did not feel complimented, or pretty, or desirable, or flattered. I think sometimes the people who yell these raucuous things, think that we women feel these things. We do not. Instead, after being relatively confident that this car was not going to turn around and physically harrass me as well (we women are always relieved when the threat of physical/sexual harm has at least momentarily passed), I stopped running. I did a quick inventory of myself. Was there something on my butt? Did my pants have a hole in them? Was my bra somehow hanging out? A moment before, I had felt strong and confident and proud of myself for exercising my body. After being catcalled, I felt brutally insecure in my own skin. It was horrible.
I did eventually continue (and finish) my run, but I couldn't shake that awful feeling that was foisted on me while I was out being a human being, going about my life, being human. It was, to borrow a popular phrase, THE WORST.
Is this one of those things that men can never truly empathize with? What do men have, where you can say "oh remember that time you were out minding your own business and someone drove/rode/walked by and, with a word/gesture, completely stripped away every ounce of confidence you had at that moment and maybe also they made you fear for your physical safety?" Do men have that thing?
If so, I wish it could be pressurized and sold in a spray bottle - aerosol, even! - and so help me I would have used it on those guys who bothered me last week. Until then, the best I can do is to just keep on being human in public spaces, sometimes even while exercising and maybe even while wearing a tank top (which, interestingly, I was not wearing on the day in question. It is September in Finland, after all. I use the example more for the principal of the thing). And I will finish my run even after you yell at me. SO THERE.
