Evening

Yesterday was grocery shopping day. I went ahead and did it, even though I really didn't feel like going out in public during the daytime. I've become a somewhat nocturnal creature. I want to do a lot of walking but a) it's really hot during the daytime, and b) I don't like waddling around in broad daylight. So I go walking at night. I've got a playlist for Sasha 3.0 on my iPod Shuffle, so I listen to that and try to form positive associations with the music as I get some fresh air and exercise.

I used the same strategy in Middlebury - listening to the music I planned on using during labor and forming positive associations with the songs by enjoying my gorgeous surroundings. Granted, in Middlebury it was more rolling fields and village greens, but I find that the AUS campus isn't too shabby, either. It's more of a grand, Taj Mahal feeling than a bucolic calm, but it works.

Anyway, the grocery store. I don't know if I can do that again. I got soooo many stares. Plus, it's getting really hard to reach into the cart far enough to put things in or take them out. Luckily, the employees were über aware of me and my girth, and they anticipated the precise difficulties I would have. At the produce weighing station, the guy insisted on taking over my cart and unloading/weighing/loading everything himself. At the check-out, a bagger came rushing over to load my groceries on the conveyor belt. As I walked out to the parking lot, a random employee taking a smoke break volunteered to help me put my things in the car. It was very kind. And it reminded me just how much space I take up these days.

I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want anyone to see me. I just want to have. this. baby.